Welcome back to Just the Items, I have a quick legal disclaimer

I am not affiliated with Ray Romano or Everybody Loves Raymond executive producer Philip Rosenthal.

I am simply here to point out the items in each scene of Everybody Loves Raymond.

I

I am the embassador of the items

I

For example, in this scene I may point out the pink donut box, the red sweater, the rustling of divorce papers

Another example:

in this scene, I would want to focus on the cookie dough peeled like a banana

Here Debra reveals a bedroom chest that stores unused pillows:

Ray disregards the chest and casts all the pillows into a closet

Every plot device, every set piece in Everybody Loves Raymond is used to reflect family dynamics.

It is a focused show

Sometimes I feel as focused as an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. My eyes get intense and I have to steal a dose of my legal guardian’s citalopram

An empty man, void of family and sandwich

I thought this bed frame design was distinct to my mother’s old bedroom. It looks like two owl eyes.

I have no memory of my mother’s comforter and pillows. Sometimes I even forget her hoarse cough in the back booth of a lunch buffet.

Frank in limbo as his shorts dry

Hot and sour soup is mentioned

but does not appear

Actually, he may be referring to his twin boys (blurry but in frame, next to coffee pot)

A man's television

is on the line

Robert calls for the gathering of canned goods

Robert calls for the gathering of canned goods

My legal guardian drinks his coffee and takes two doses of citalopram, one from his prescription and one from mine, while we watch TV Land.

Every single website in the world agrees: my legal guardian should have overdosed on citalopram by now.

The complete filmography of Arnold Schwarzenegger, except the one where he gets pregnant:

of course I have panic attacks, none of this is sustainable

Kelly Ripa: Did you take any, like, specific thing from the set?

Ray Romano: I took the couch. Yeah, I did. And my wife’s not happy about that.

Regis Philbin: Doris, did you take a little momento?

Doris Roberts (Marie): I did, it was a big memento. Remember the show where I was a sculptor? [Referencing the episode where Marie accidently makes a vulva sculpture] I have it in my living room!

* To get my legal guardian’s extra citalopram, I go to the urgent care clinic and remind the administrative assistant of my symptoms--I have to watch reruns of sitcoms just to make the headaches stop and slow down my heart. But sometimes even the reruns have too much conflict: the looming threat of divorce between Ray and Debra, Marie’s anxiety over being replaced in Ray’s life by Debra. So mostly I write down the items in each scene. I give my legal guardian the citalopram and tell him the story about the items. He says I am creative for coming up with a story like that, about a nutjob writing down items. He doesn’t read this blog. If you have any tips on how to make sure he never finds this blog, write to me at: jimmyardis AT yahoo DOT com

Regis Philbin: Brad?

Brad Garrett (Robert): I took the guard from gate six. Sweet little Cuban kid.

Regis Philbin: Now in the final hours of the Ray Romano era.

James Ardis wrote a collection of Coldplay devotional hymns titled "A Head Full of Dreams" (Long Day Press 2018). He also combined neurosis and online video game guides in the chapbook "Your Arkansas: A Strategy Guide" (Gauss PDF 2016). His writing appears or is forthcoming in The Rumpus, Black Lawrence Press, Heavy Feather Review, and Rivulet, among others.